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Awkward Hugs and Handshakes

from Tom by Christian Matthew

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lyrics

A call comes in on Wednesday from a nameless but familiar New York number. Says "Hey kid, you around?" and the question is enough for me to tell. I reply that "I won't lie, I've been standing by expecting you to ask this. I've got nothing going on tonight, if you'd like I can meet you down at Patrick's."

A block away I get your message warning me: "The place is pretty busy. There's karaoke queens and college kids all taking turns to yell. I'm already annoyed, take my advice and come in from the alley if you're hoping to avoid the sound of desperation mixed with Frankie Valli."

I make my way round back to find an old friend and a conversation waiting. A Blue draft in a Bills glass, beside a shot of something bottom shelf. An awkward hug and handshake, a toast to our respective new beginnings. Along with all the mistakes that we've made since last Thanksgiving.

We give ourselves the courtesy of skipping the unnecessary cliches by passing over pleasantries we're trained to use on everybody else. I'm more than well aware that you're not fine- you're defeated and complacent. But there's only so much time and it's something I'm not interested in wasting.

"It's tough to come back home, it's tough to be alone down in the city. And these holiday reunions tend to take a toll upon my mental health. I've been spending so much time reliving memories that mostly feel distorted just to fabricate a life based on moments that the camera has recorded."

"The truth is that I'm not alright and it's always getting harder to hold steady. I'm thinking I should go and see a doctor and that maybe it would help. I tell ya man, I'm scared as hell- I don't wanna become just a prescription. It's hard enough to be myself when people still assume that I'm a Christian."

A shaky voice that cracks to say "I'm cracking up and I'm no good at faking or taking everything in stride to simply play the hand that I've been dealt. But everything's a joke and I don't think that I can take it any longer." I offer you a smoke, you offer me something a little stronger.

We settle up the tab, and silently we stand in front of Patrick's. Nothing left to say, with nothing really said. An awkward hug and handshake concludes our night of mutual forgiving. I hope that we can grab a drink next year around Thanksgiving.

credits

from Tom, track released March 10, 2018
Written, performed, and recorded by Christian Matthew Kalweit

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Christian Matthew Elmira, New York

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